Enchanted Essence

Unconsciously...

2009-01-01T22:10:00.003+08:00

Working in a hospital has changed me, and made me a better human. What about you, what's your life perspective?

Fresh start for me soon (:

2008-12-26T00:54:00.001+08:00

So it was a sweet Christmas for me this year, and I am thankful indeed for a lovely close to 2008. Suffice to say, I did find love and joy this season. For that I think, this is good, and the warmth is more than enough to see me through this damp December and into the new year.

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock.

2008-12-26T00:38:00.002+08:00

Past midnight now, I should be sleeping because I have work tomorrow. Instead, I am munching on peanut brittle and still on a caffeine high from Starbucks' Dark Cherry Mocha. I really want to grumble about how I can actually see my holiday weight layering itself on my tummy, but the festive mood is still keeping me chirpy; no one ever believes me when I say I can see the fat anyway.

I guess it would be a quiet day at the office tomorrow considering how nearly everyone took leave except for me. In any case, there is always Prima Deli to distract me. They're not a cheapskate bakery like I thought, they have amazing chiffons, tartlets, pancakes, buns, muffins and waffles. Have I already said this before?

On another note, I have picked up the guitar because of obsession over Jason Mraz's Lucky. I sacrificed my long nails (which I have been keeping since, forever) to learn the instrument and have really painful fingertips from pressing the strings. But it's quite an addiction, I'm glad I have a guitar. No more manicure packages for me it seems!

The straw that broke the camel's back.

2008-12-22T22:38:00.003+08:00

Suddenly it became a breeze to let go and flow into a new life altogether. What can I say, thanks for doing what you've been doing... Like a hypnotic snap I wake to a smile (:

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

2008-12-18T14:55:00.001+08:00

One of my favourite (if not favourite) Christmas songs!

Rocking around the christmas tree
at the Christmas party hop
Mistletoe hung where you can see
Ev'ry couple tries to stop

You will get a sentimental feeling
When you hear
voices singing:
"Let's be jolly; Deck the halls with boughs of holly!"

Rocking around the christmas tree
Have a happy holiday
Everyone's dancing merrily
In a new old fashioned way

Rocking around the christmas tree
Let the Christmas Spirit ring
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie
and we'll do some caroling

You will get a sentimental feeling
When you hear
voices singing:
"Let's be jolly; Deck the halls with boughs of holly!"

Rocking around the christmas tree
Have a happy holiday
Everyone's dancing merrily
In a new old fashioned way

Runaway Train by Soul Asylum

2008-12-18T14:53:00.000+08:00

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Chorus
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Chorus

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

Bed of Lies by Matchbox 20

2008-12-17T18:27:00.000+08:00

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am

I don't think that I can take another empty moment
I don't think that I can fake another hollow smile
It's not enough just to be lonely
I don't think that I could take another talk about it

Just like me you've got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away

But I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I'm marking it down to learning
'Cause I can

I don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
I don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Well it's not enough just be sorry
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in

Tried to be more than me
And I gave till it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part, yeah, of these winters that we've made

But I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I'm marking it down to learning
I am...

All that I'll ever be
When you lay your hands
Over me
And don't go weak on me please
I know that it's weak
But God help me I need this

I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I'm marking it down to learning
'Cause I can

Under the weather.

2008-12-16T15:25:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I was running a high fever. And the first person I thought of was Eggy. Why?

Capital F, U, N!

2008-12-08T21:21:00.006+08:00

One Monday at work, followed by seven days of play... Couldn't have enjoyed the past week more!

Four days of fun in five-star Angsana Bintan, followed by an indulgent makan trail, an ice cream fest, overnight poker, a frolic over the long weekend at Ritz Carlton, lots of my coffee-flavoured Baileys and most importantly, a new bunch of friends that really made this week fabs!!

Fots once I have the time! (: (: (:

Update.

2008-12-07T02:06:00.010+08:00

I guess everyone's been wondering what's going on between Eggy and I, since I've been pretty much quiet about it. Judging from how things are moving, I would think the time is ripe to say some things. I broke up with him some time back, after a breather. Before the breather, we were already having problems. Yet sometimes you feel that certain people are too much part of your life and you want them to continue to be in your life. So you do all sorts of things.

All it took was some time away from him to notice that he's missed me while he was looking for himself, to notice that how he's treating me is wrong and not what I want. He may not think so, because he takes me for granted. Work, people, lifestyles, cultures, they all came and he left me behind chasing after these things. The kind of life he is setting himself up for is not the kind of life I want to share. For his sake, I hope he finds someone more capable of supporting him than I did.

Some say I lead a charmed life. I picked up a good job during this difficult time alone, and to be honest, this time alone isn't that difficult either. Friends and family are around to love me and there are suitors who make me realise Eggy isn't the most appropriate one.

And I'm happier now.
I deserve so much more.
And I've been handed that much more when I decided to let go.

I guess this is the way you chose to say goodbye, perhaps it's really hard to expect us to be friends. For what it's worth, I hope this breakup makes us both happier, and that's what's important.

The winter months are approaching once again...

2008-11-30T11:36:00.002+08:00

Sigh. Sart always, always makes me wish that Singapore dresses up more.

TGIF, TGIS, and TGIS!

2008-11-30T10:44:00.002+08:00

Hello everybuddy.

Over time I have developed a penchant for weekend brunches, so much so that I have it almost every week at some place or other. The brunching lifestyle is laidback and lovely, in my opinion. After a week of work, I get addicted to finding reprieve at someplace quiet with some sips, nibbles and happy talk. A few low-key hours that surprisingly few appreciate and indulge in.

Racked up an indecent bill at Waraku Cuppage last night, the food is fabs! Loved the Okonomiyake and Choya (: Should have taken fots! As usual I have been eating at quite a few new places but this month in particular, I picked up at least three places that I like enough to add to my A-list. Very nice indeed.

Later I would be going shopping (: Am definitely going to blow a portion of it on cookies and lotions from Marks and Spencer, they have even more goodies than usual during Christmas season. And I need to get the pressed powder compact from Shu Uemura. Someone got me all my cosmetic necessities at the recent warehouse sale and I'm lacking only the compact.

Wheat, magnolia, splash of dandelion.

2008-11-29T10:36:00.006+08:00

The mother has finally given up ideas on buying that dratted place on Burgundy.

So, she made calls to round up our contractors to refurbish our home. Being particular about such things, the whole of my last week was spent personally choosing curtain material, deciding on shades for the walls. Picking bathroom panels, selecting mirrors and shelves. Getting lights, flooring, blind and doors fixed... The house smelt entirely of wood varnish and paint!

Still, these were considered minor renovations. Our house is well-maintained anyway so it sorta looks the same, just a little more preppy. Which is nice. I believe the environment in which you live moulds your personality to a certain extent (:

Lovely Saturday so far.

2008-11-29T10:17:00.003+08:00

My Omnia tinkles, "We are going to buy fans. There's new pancake mix in the cupboard."

Yeah, my mother wants to train us to sleep without airconditioning every night to save on utilities. I yawned, checked the time and snoozed a little. But my body clock has adjusted to weekday wakeup timings so I crawled out of bed to shower.

Fresh raisin pancake batter in ten minutes, to go with a dollop of marmalade and maple syrup.

Remembered recent gifts of Royce chocolates, macarons and cookies, but on second thought hey, I shouldn't be eating so much. For the first time in a long time, I am actually concerned about my figure. Doesn't help that I have to be in bikini soon.

To diet religiously is to eat and pray hard that you won't get fat. Haha.

Maybe

2008-11-24T23:32:00.000+08:00

Maybe I don't really want to know
How your garden grows 'causeI just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain as it soaks you to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don't believe

Getting oriental!

2008-11-22T22:17:00.001+08:00

I'm going to make two cheongsams for Chinese New Year! Yay (:

Meetup with the girls!

2008-11-22T20:47:00.002+08:00

Luffies!

My own feedbacl form haha.

2008-11-22T20:08:00.003+08:00

I did a brief evaluation of my job. It's only been two weeks, so not much to go by, but so far here's how I feel about it:

1. I love my colleagues.
There is no office politics because it's a very small cosy culture requiring no fighting since our jobs are largely independent of each other. Both are female, so I don't have to bother about unwanted male attention, except from the surgeons and vendors, who aren't around all the time.

2. I like my boss.
I haven't screwed up as of now, so he hasn't expressed any displeasure about my performance. He is overly dependent on the previous secretary and she's not around to show me the ropes, sigh. But he hasn't been demanding so I'm really grateful for that. He is going to bring me along for his medical conferences!

3.. I am so going to get fat.
There is premium breakfast, lunch and tea receptions at least thrice a week for the workshops. Upstairs there is the fantastic Prima Deli with Really Good muffins, chiffon cupcakes, waffles and buns... Not to mention a plethora of places to eat within the whole of NUS. Cheap too!

4. Some routine is good for me.
Waking up and going to work can be routine but at least that's some order injected into my previously uncontrolled worklife in insurance. I hate the thing about leave though, because I never had to go work unless necessary in the past. I'm still doing insurance part time, but hope to return to it fulltime soon.

5. I'm learning.
My weakness has always been that I'm not meticulous enough. This job forces me to hone my eye for detail and work more patiently with tedious figures and procedures. I also get to apply my marketing skills in this job. I'm also getting a lot of time to practise my discipline, improve my ability to work independently and taking initiative (:

6. I'm earning.
I must admit that I earned more at insurance, but judging by the current financial climate, stability is more important to me for now. It's not too bad anyway, and I don't have to do overtime unless there are weird workshops. And I still have insurance as my second job.

Eggy thinks I can do better than be an executive assistant, but for a short term job it's really close to perfect (:

Weekend!

2008-11-22T19:51:00.002+08:00

Hello everybody! It's the end of my second week at my new job, and I'm loving it so far!

I'm working as executive assistant to one of the directors at NUH. Although I'm under the department of surgery, I'm not in the main building. I'm working inside the Advanced Surgery Training Centre, which is SO much better a workplace.

It's new, polished and really savvy! Full length windows overlooking a garden patio and koi pond, with several lecture theatres and labs where state-of-art surgical equipment are available. My boss is director of the centre, and he holds workshops and seminars for surgeons from all over the Asia Pacific.

My job is to plan and execute these said workshops for him, as well as handle his personal administration, together with two other colleagues who are hired to manage the centre. I have no mentor to learn from, so I have to take a lot of initiative and work independently.

More about my job soon (:

Lombok...

2008-11-22T19:28:00.001+08:00

I found another new destination... Ohh man!

The rest of the beach fots.

2008-11-18T19:19:00.010+08:00

It got cold today.

2008-11-18T19:14:00.001+08:00

Dear Eggy, I miss you already.

Interesting facts.

2008-11-15T22:12:00.000+08:00

Know how some facts are completely useless but fun to know anyway? Well here are some. The bracketed captions are not by me by the way, it's probably a guy lol. But they made me laugh so I left them in. For your reading pleasure (:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Very CSI.)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(I'm still not over the pig.)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life... Quality over quantity!)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know...)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm... ...)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

This is how tranquility looks like...

2008-11-13T22:55:00.012+08:00

I have found a new travel destination.

And it's totally different from anywhere else that I want to go. I've always had a penchant for water, so this place would be especially beautiful to me, I reckon. I love waterfalls and lakes, but here is something that is altogether breathtaking...

I'm planning to go, and I will patiently wait til next September to go because that is when it is at its best. I think it will be a really unique place to visit! I am hoping it would not become too commercialised by this time next year.

I believe that looking and learning to appreciate beauty in all forms (particularly nature) is very good for the soul. I hope to go there with a loved one! Forget the Us of A, this has displaced it as the place closest to my heart!

Some spontaneous vitamin D.

2008-11-12T21:14:00.001+08:00

Fots from tanning at del Mar. Alil lazy to do captions... Was great though! Haha. I have lots of fots, this is my first batch! People with Phoshop skills are welcome to digitally remove all my bodily flaws for me! Have to make do with these unedited ones :(

Something funny!

2008-11-11T23:21:00.001+08:00

Hahahahaha!

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Hahahahaha!

New job!

2008-11-11T22:09:00.004+08:00

I saw someone carrying the Fairybag again today!
But I remain faithful to my desire to own the Miu Miu Nappa Charm.

Work has been delightful as of now. The office culture is extremely cosy and I have a beautiful workstation. My colleagues are gentle, capable females that I can learn much from, considering how far from demure I am. My boss is a warm Italian man who does not micromanage and shows me much patience.

I am settling down very well altogether, though I gotta admit this is indeed very different from my usual. Colleagues tell me that the one before me was an efficient woman who had worked five years, and boss had been interviewing nonstop but was not satisfied. I must have done something right to be offered.

Willl talk more about my job in time to come. For now, I am getting fed so much over there! Give me a month, I assure you I will plump up!

Out with thee, wretched insomnia!

2008-11-06T04:03:00.004+08:00

4 am and I can't sleep. This happens quite seldom, I have a natural infinity with sleep. But I am too disturbed and distracted the past few days. Things are turning somersaults in my mind. It's so hard to figure things out.

I need something to look forward to. Tomorrow I'll have good breakfast to brighten my day.

Pancakes (read: buttermilk with raisins/chocolate chips) with cranberry jam, marmalade and maple syrup.
Or cereal (read: Post Blueberry/Banana Nut Crunch/Honey Graham Oh's) with cold fresh milk.

Some people are calling me Missy already haha.

2008-11-05T16:29:00.004+08:00

So the job search wasn't as tough as I thought it would be. Because people told me to just apply to a wide range, I was quite open with my options. Quite unexpectedly, however, I got interviews for every position I submitted, and got offered for all of them save one. The interviews were mostly very easy for me, but I regretted being so liberal with my applications!

I ended up landing one of many jobs that I was not considering. But I think it's very appropriate for my needs at the moment. Besides, it's quite near my place, so I'm glad for that. With the current financial crisis, I won't be getting my car at the end of this year anymore. Quite sad.

Now that I've somehow managed to clinch the position, I am beginning to have my misgivings about the job. Such typical cognitive dissonance. You cannot tell if the job is really want until you are at it already. So wish me happiness at my new job. It sounds good but you never know.

New beginnings can be intimidating.

Well well...

2008-11-05T11:29:00.002+08:00

In all seriousness, I cannot believe that the same mistake is still being made. Considering the precarious situation we are in, the person seems to display no acknowledgement of what is happening.

If the person is not concerned enough to even revert to my email and is still happily out for snazzy drinks with colleagues without so much as a stitch of bother... I think he is taking things too lightly.

If I can't be taken seriously til now, then perhaps I can only say enough is enough.

3 meals a day.

2008-11-03T14:00:00.001+08:00

My regular meals are brunch, tea and supper. Sigh. How unhealthy.

I really do.

2008-10-28T18:20:00.003+08:00

I need someone who doesn't need anyone else but me.

Purplish annoyance.

2008-10-28T17:02:00.002+08:00

The trees in my estate are fruiting. The wild berries that fall to the ground are staining the undersides of my shoes! Argh.

Random fact.

2008-10-28T16:59:00.002+08:00

I've always found it hard to answer when people ask me what's my favourite colour. It's because I love every colour and can wear them all. Then all of a sudden, I realised my favourite colour is white. Haha.

Deepavali!

2008-10-25T11:40:00.000+08:00

Yay, Monday is a public holiday! Eggy says we are going shopping and he's going to buy stuff for me (:

Hark, dark clouds and thunder.

2008-10-25T11:39:00.003+08:00

The stormy financial climate has indeed, rocked my boat more than most. Now that I've gotten my resume down pat and started Jobsearch Week 1, it's getting a little mental for me. It can be taxing on the mind, this whole employment-seeking process. I still want to go into image consulting eventually. It's not popular in Singapore yet, but I am adamant on developing an ongoing affair with it whilst I work in other respects.

In these precarious times, dreams have to be shelved temporarily whilst we fiddle and decide which hole to cinch our belt into. How long would tough times last, what quality of life do we want? We all need new answers to old questions. Sidelining, by the way- I feel like getting a tatt. Haha. And ohh, here's another random thought- Perhaps I should get a job that requires travelling...

Tsk tsk.

Occupation:

2008-10-25T11:28:00.001+08:00

For the things that I want for my life, it's the most appropriate if I stay in the sales line. The flexible timing is another pull factor. If I were to take up a marketing executive/management trainee position (as relevant to my degree), overtime is a norm. I would be overworked and underpaid. Throw in the work locations and I'm already bidding farewell before I even start.

And the pay, ohh the pay. Unless I work in a bank (I'm not considering civil servant positions) I can't get close to what I used to be getting. And pay is important to everyone, right? I need it to get my own place, pay for my certifications and incur capital for running my own business in future, maintain my lifestyle, travel.

I'm in an iffy place in my life right now, haha.

Apartment shopping, anybody?

2008-10-25T10:47:00.002+08:00

For a span of small reasons, my desire to move out and get a place of my own is snowballing by the week. I have it good right here at home, to tell the truth. I have a maid, so I don't do household chores. I am paying for some bills, but not everything. I have my own room. I get along well with my family. It's a fantastic location.

I know how hard it would be, not only on my pocket but also my body. But I'm craving the privacy and independence like anything. I know what caused it, but more importantly now is how to satiate it. I wish I could find 2 friends, and go rent an entire apartment together. From my financial calculations, however, I still have a long way to go.

Mika - Stuck in the Middle

2008-10-24T18:17:00.001+08:00

Love this skippity song! (:

I sit and think about the day that you're gonna die
Your wrinkled eyes betrayed the joy with which you smiled
Care to see my reason?
Care to put your life in mine?
Looking at life from the perspective of a boy
Who's learnt to love you but has also learned to grow
Could we make it better, stormy weather
So hard to know

Oh, oh, oh – is there anybody home?
Who will believe me, won't deceive me, won't try to change me?
Ah, ah, ah – is there anybody home?
Who wants to have me, just to love me?

Stuck in the middle

I look at you
You look at me
We bite each other
And with your better words you kick me in the gutter
But my troops are bigger than yours
You'll never stand my fight
Ours is a family that's based upon tradition
But with my careless words I tread upon your vision
Are five kids better than one, who'd busy like to be gone?

Oh, oh, oh – is there anybody home?
Who will believe me, won't deceive me, won't try to change me?
Ah, ah, ah – is there anybody home?
Who wants to have me, just to love me?

Stuck in the middle
Yeah hey... Yeah hey... Yeah hey..

This is to my name
This ain't a pretty plan to break your heart of me
I know that what I've started means that when we have parted
I can live in honesty

Oh, oh, oh – is there anybody home?
Who will believe me, won't deceive me, won't try to change me?
Ah, ah, ah – is there anybody home?
Who wants to have me, just to love me?

Stuck in the middle
Stuck in the middle
Stuck in the middle
Stuck in the middle

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2008-10-21T17:20:00.002+08:00

Oooh oooh, I supposedly look 83% like Fiona Xie and 80% like Song Hye Kyo... I WISH I WISH! Far from it, but this is a happy thingie to play with nonetheless. Haha.

I can't decide...

2008-10-21T11:07:00.004+08:00

I just want the best for myself. Choices, choices.

Yippee!

2008-10-13T19:39:00.001+08:00

Eggy and I are going away for yet another weekend getaway! I haven't even had time to post up for the fots for the KL trip... Haha. I am really excited, this time we're going with the rest of the beauties and beasts. I love taking time off with Eggy. Spending quality time uninterrupted by the world is very important for the relationship.

I love you, wakeboarding.

2008-10-13T12:58:00.003+08:00

I went wakeboarding last weekend and I am thrilled! It's a really great sport to pick up and I had sucha lotta fun! For me, it was love at first wake. I am so psyched to go again, and if not for the fact that it's expensive I would've considered wakeboarding regularly.

I managed to stand up on my virgin attempt, but rode for like, two seconds and lost it. By the third time, however, I was moving along quite steadily and I say, what a rush of heady excitement that was! I was loving every single wet windy moment.

Ow, ow. My entire body is aching now, I think I practically used every muscle in my little frame. It feels shiok, kinda like when you've done a really good workout at the gym (: Goodness, even my butt muscles are aching. Haha.

And my secret longings unfurl.

2008-10-09T22:07:00.002+08:00

You know, the current financial downturn is worse than 97. And much as I hate to, I think I have to take up another job and keep the insurance one as a part-time. I am reluctant to do so, but I can't be stubborn because I've got bills to pay. So I've been thinking very seriously about a second job.

I know what I want to do for a living already. I am going to take steps to inch my way in that direction, and this process is going to make me very happy. I am so excited! Will this lead to me to a place of fulfillment? I am so full of optimism that I hardly dare breathe a word about it for fear of losing it.

Will I be able to find this locally? Will I meet all the requirements? Will I do well in this business? Will I eventually own my own company in this field? Such hope, such dreams. Let me find my way through the haze and take the first step!

One of my 5Cs is Commitment.

2008-10-07T21:58:00.004+08:00

Being a working adult has pushed several revelations into my hands, leaving me to juggle them with a fair amount of fear and excitement. Once last week, I had a breakdown right in the middle of Raffles Place, walking with a tear rolling down my cheek as others brushed past me with purpose. What am I doing in my life?

Whatever career-minded people may say, I can't just find a job that I love and be satisfied with just that. However successful I am, I want someone to share it with me. My happiness, my frustrations, my grief, my anticipations, my dreams. I guess I am simply not one of those whose greatest achievement is their work. My proudest moment in life would be when I find lifetime love (:

Yay my complexion is becoming better and better!

2008-10-07T14:29:00.008+08:00

I love my Sunday brunches with Eggy!

Surprisingly I miss you very much.

2008-10-04T01:55:00.006+08:00

Truth is, I'm not very sensible when it comes to my behaviour in a relationship. And flawed as I am, I find myself one of the fortunate ones to be loved by someone. In a manner of love which is so indulgent, so forgiving, so patient, that I realise I fear losing it.

I wish I were this... better person. So that if you choose to leave, I can stand up and say, "I deserve more than this, you stay right here with me." But I am not. Therein lies all my internal struggles, my escapist mentalities and abandonment issues. Do you understand?

What's the matter with you.

2008-10-03T01:49:00.006+08:00

You can hate other girls for being closer to perfection than you are, but what's with the remarks about being unintelligent? Separate issues. I mean, I would love to look as pretty as some of the people I see. But even when I'm not, I don't feel like I have to make up for my physical inadequacies by having a big brain.

Don't resent prettiness (or your lack thereof) and learn to humble yourself if you're intelligent.

Re: In-house Shopping Sessions

2008-10-03T01:37:00.002+08:00

Dear all,

Due to the healthy number of customers I have, coupled with the voluminous amounts that they each purchase, I am afraid I am unable to accept any more new appointments. All pending appointments would still be honoured, but I will not be entertaining any others.

My sincerest apologies to those who have recommended me to your friends, or to those who had intended to drop by without setting specific dates with me. Please do come for the next in-house shopping session, I will be more than happy to drop you an sms to inform you, should you want me to do so.

With love,
Sugar

An interesting perspective.

2008-10-02T13:06:00.003+08:00

"I feel like my transport should be an extension of my personality. This is like my little window to the world... and every minute's a different show. I may not understand it, I may not even necessarily agree with it. But I'll tell you what I've accepted- just sort of glide along.

You want to keep things on an even key, this is what I'm saying. You want to go with the flow. The sea refuses no river. The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure while always arriving. It saves on introductions and goodbyes. The ride does not require explanation - just occupance.

That's where you guys come in. It's like you come onto this planet with a crayon box. Now you may get the 8 pack, you may get the 16 pack but it's all in what you do with the crayons - the colors - that you're given. Don't worry about coloring within the lines or coloring outside the lines - I say color outside the lines, you know what I mean? Color all over the page; don't box me in!

We're in motion to the ocean."

-Waking Life, Boat Car

Orangina Naturally Juicy (French version)

2008-10-02T12:36:00.004+08:00

Why, you sexy lil animal. (Naturellement pulpeuse...)

The world's first night race.

2008-09-29T16:00:00.024+08:00

A bitterly disappointing race for Ferrari, but a very exciting Singapore Grand Prix nonetheless. Although not many in Singapore seemed to be in tune with the F1 happenings, the atmosphere was still electric.

Since we couldn't park there, we took a train down to City Hall where several of the gateways were. Upon exiting the gantries, we were met by masses of people abuzz with adrenaline. Cute little vermillion bits of sponge stuffed into their ears, they were climbing up every possible street fixture to get a look at the race.

We dissolved into the throng and had our tickets tripped before entering the circuit. Huge, huge area to cover, very lively indeed. I caught my first whizz of racecars and felt my eardrums tremble. Scampered away from the fence screaming a little whilst Eggy started snapping away with his camera. It's a wonder he's still not deaf.

The walkabout zones spanned significant ground. Complete with acapella groups, food stalls, DJs, larger-then-life screens, ATMs, marshalls in bright vests, artistic floats, deep purple night, grandstands and all that jazz. We saw the F1 souveniers and the Ferrari shop too!

I held my hand steady the entire time waiting for the Ferrari to come round the bend. I did get a few shots, but my ixus simply couldn't capture a good one even after fiddling with the manual configurations. Here's Eggy's shot of the night instead...

Eggy took this while queueing (yes, about twenty minutes) to get onto the overhead bridge that brings us out of Zone 4. I think our nightscape looks really nice during this Singapore Grand Prix.

One of the vintage cars on display along the Padang stretch (:

Hot and sticky night, I was perspiring like refrigerated can of coke out on the table. Wish I'd worn something else other than jeans. My curls came undone from the excessive tugging and humidity! Kinda like how it looks, though. Haha.

2008-09-26T11:44:00.003+08:00

Dear lovelies, as some of you know, I always carry a book with me these days as I have plenty of travel time. I'm not done with my other book on the go, but I figured I want something of a lighter read. So I've chosen this:

I've never read any books on love before, so I thought this would be quite interesting. However, I can't seem to find it. Do let me know if you see it! I don't want the hardcover one. Thankies! And since we're on the subject, I hope all of you are loving and loved. Nothing in the world beats that combination (:

Everyone loves these clothes.

2008-09-25T17:09:00.004+08:00

Due to the overwhelming volume of clothes residing in my wardrobe and the sweet success of my previous event, I am opening yet another In-house Shopping Session.

This time round, up for grabs are:
1. Much of my casualwear as I am dressed in appointment-standby mode most days.
2. Many purchases made whilst experimenting with my workstyle.
3. Tons of lovely dresses cos I just can't stop buying them.

Please feel free to sms me to make an appointment (:

Update, Thurday 21:10:
Already two big buyers confirmed!

Jiawei and his buns.

2008-09-22T16:30:00.013+08:00

The season is almost over! And yes, I've successfully kept the flabs at bay despite the mooncake munching! Yay (: So no significant change in my figure lately.

Not that my clothes reveal much these days, anyway. I remember being so much more casual, and more liberal when it comes to thighs and cleavages. Now, professionalism comes first, so Eggy doesn't really have to complain about my dressing anymore. Haha.

Finally some time on my hands for pictures! Jiawei was there that night, he insists that I look very different these days. Any significant changes in my face, people? Haha.

Wala with Yvon and Sista!

Then the boys joined in the camwhoring (:

I'd have a financial tsunami, to go.

2008-09-22T15:50:00.003+08:00

Haven't had the time to come online much, been busy with the whole AIG situation. Initially thought I would be unsalaried for September since sales this month isn't exactly a rosy picture. Thankfully, it was just my math that screwed up, I actually have sufficient cases to cover me for both August and September without having to struggle through this financial downturn.

I am glad I have Eggy by my side during this time. I think he is glad I am doing fine in this line, particularly after I got through the selections for another job that he is absolutely not keen to see me take up. Haha. Well, I am staying for sure. I hope people see the light by and by.

I really do want to go on a holiday the tail end of this year, but Eggy says he can't go with me. What a pity. I shall have to travel without him then. I hope it materialises. With the current circumstances at my industry, I am finding it a little difficult to plonk down the cash without feeling like I'm neglecting piggybank precautions.

Attn: Milky products

2008-09-22T11:08:00.002+08:00

The following items have been recalled due to China's milk situation:

M&M's, Snickers, Mentos Yoghurt bottle, Dove chocolate, Oreo wafer sticks, Monmilk, Dutch Lady strawberry milk, Wall's All-natural Mango, Mini Poppers ice cream, Magnum, Moo sandwich ice cream, Mini Cornetto and Youcan ice cream.

Stores have been asked by AVA to remove them from shelves. Please take heed, lovelies!

Shall I pass you some surgical gloves?

2008-09-21T23:41:00.005+08:00

I need someone with an appetite compatible to mine. Someone who is really more concerned with experience than the need to be so damn... sterile. You know what, I'm not even hungry anymore.

Sigh.

2008-09-16T12:27:00.006+08:00

When the nightmare erupted on Wall Street, I could clearly tell how deep my relationships were with certain people. When it comes to money, trust comes undone at the seams sometimes. Yesterday, everyone queued to surrender their policies despite urges not to engage in panic cashouts. Today, everyone queued again to reinstate their policies. Get a grip and listen up, man.

Many people called and messaged to ask if I'm alright, clearly concerned about how I'm coping. Others asked only for policy reassurances, but at least they trusted my advice. Yet others told me, upfront or otherwise, how they are avoiding doing business with AIA. Some from the financial industry whom I expected to have a better grasp of the situation and implications were the ones giving me the most ignorant of statements, even putting down my company to my face.

I find it nauseating. I was initially aflame from being doused with all this negativity, but I calmed down and sucked it up, because well. It's human nature. No one wants to be parted from their money. But still. Financial crises are indeed an effective filter for fair weather friends. No trust at all that I would do the best for them. Tsk tsk.

All in a day's work.

2008-09-15T21:58:00.002+08:00

I've always enjoyed socialising. For me, it's not only a pleasure, but it has become a job facet as well. For those around me, you need to realise that this is not only how I am, but also how I must be. I like developing relationships with others, and this is an asset in my line of work.

It comes easily for me, so I do have fun. But I'm operating on a purely platonic platform here, there is no vested romantic interest. As your friend, I can burn those bridges to keep our friendship intact. But that's not the right solution, because it's not the root cause. Still, I'm willing to do that. What about your part?

As my friend, can you understand that these may be frivolities to others, but very integral to me? As my friend, you should be happy for me when people like me. When others get to know, invite, introduce and recommend me, why should it affect our friendship?

Flying somewhat solo...

2008-09-11T22:42:00.005+08:00

Only the first month, and already, the two colleagues I am closest to are out of the programme... How disheartening. I just found out after yesterday's training session. The pressure is mounting!

On a lighter note, my decision to permanently curl my hair was displaced by my purchase of a curling iron. Haha. So now I have twice the flexibility and half the damage! Not too mention the iron outlasts the perm.

Convocation tomorrow!

Ohayo...

2008-09-05T23:41:00.001+08:00

So the parents are back from Osaka, and surprisingly the week was not filled with wild nights nor crazed days in their absence. Instead, my week was a series of quiet days mostly deployed to organising worklife and attending training sessions. The occasional night out, but on the whole I enjoyed the peace and quiet very much.

Had I known that Royce chocolates were half price in Osaka I would've told my parents to bring back half a dozen! But ohh well. Dee already bought them for me anyway. Of course, I told the parents about Samantha (the boutique) and Pops chose a lovely workbag for me. And I told my mom to get me collagen eye treatment but she came back with bottled collagen. Still wondering if I need that.

Random thoughts.

2008-09-05T23:14:00.002+08:00

The client management system I am using pleases me, and I am up to par with the electronic business submission system. What's left now is to get my Omnia synced to Misty, the latter of whom, by the way, just came back from a virtual surgery to clean up her insides. I also need to further pack my room to clear out more space for my documents.

Mooncake festivities are sure to make a dent in my pocket and a bulge in my tummy. Do you know that a single mooncake contains over a thousand calories? Haha. After years of experience, I have honed my skills in snowskin mooncake tasting, and this year I have found a new winner- Home's Favourite snowskin champagne mooncakes! For a relatively unknown brand they are audaciously priced, but really good.

No doubt this month is going to be a fattening month for me. Wall.E is really delightful! I loved the twist, which literally left a human touch on the adorable robots. I think Disney Pixar always manages to do a laudable job on developing an engaging storyline. The graphics, sounds and clever semantics indeed made up for the lack of speech in the plot.

Love, Sugar

2008-09-04T12:28:00.003+08:00

It's not that I'm not happy. I just wonder if I will be happier. Or if you will be happier, for that matter. Relativity can be prickly, isn't it? This is my best, yet I feel its frustrating inadequacy. It's just not enough to piece us together for the future. If I can just make the decision in a swift stroke, will things work out? What is it about you that keeps me hemming and hawing?

Forgive me, for wanting what you can't give, and for giving what you don't want.

It's been slightly over a week since my last post.

2008-09-02T10:10:00.004+08:00

And I gotta say, what a busy week that was! I met my requirements with a baby of a margin to spare, which is comfortable enough for me. But the paperwork is really, really frazzling me. I am in the midst of setting everything up electronically, and once that is up I would be much more productive.

That said, however, I did still manage to find some time to do my social butterflying, which is a respite to me.

And ever since the onset of work, ~~there have been new additions to my wardrobe~~ I had to literally buy a new wardrobe. $149, from Ikea. In an attempt to create my own workstyle of sorts, I have avoided the work basics and opted for softer looks that would have been rejected in other lines of work. I am in dresses day in day out, and I'm loving it!

Post up fots of my KL trip soon (:

Clouds are not always cute white fluff.

2008-08-22T18:00:00.004+08:00

There are few things that spoil my mood more than battling with soddy weather.

The winds bully my poor brolly and hustle my hair into my eyes and mouth. Warriors are expected to do no more than brandish their sword and wield a shield; I also have two hands, but so many more things to carry! The bag-and-umbrella combination is almost a full handicap, I say! So if you'd excuse my wobbly toddling on my dainty heels, it's a miracle I'm still covering any distance at all.

Tip: Waterproof makeup at all times during the monsoon!

The wheels of the bus go round and round...

2008-08-22T17:38:00.002+08:00

People that do not have to travel around our tiny red dot during the course of their daily work truly would not understand the pains of having to shuttle about on public transport. (Exclusive of taxis.) I appreciate not having to be office bound, yet it comes with a price- taking buses and trains to meet clients. Travelling wearies you a lot more than imagined.

I now firmly believe that my driving lessons are worth every cent, and I couldn't be more eager to show Pops my driver's licence in exchange for a car. My dad knows, how it's like being a carless financial advisor. That's why he's getting it for me. I know, he just loves me very much. That's why he's getting it for me. He doesn't always spoil me this way, for the record. Ahem.

But how freaking exciting is this? I mean, it's so much more meaningful to learn driving if there is a a car to drive right? Pops wants me to choose, but I've decided to leave it to him. Don't want to be asking so much, I am honestly already very appreciative of the fact that he's getting me a car.

Gaki no tsukai!

2008-08-21T15:42:00.003+08:00

Josh and I were talking about this entire series of videos by some really funny Japanese people that we both watched some time ago, and I decided to post my favourite one up again! Haha. This gameshow is set in a high school, and the pseudo students aka the gameshow participants are not allowed to laugh regardless of what happens. If not they get smacked! Enjoy (:

New interest!

2008-08-17T19:17:00.004+08:00

I want to go for a coffee appreciation class. If you lovelies know of a place that offers these sessions, or want to join me, please drop me a message!

Moving on. I'm certainly getting tired of having to be in officewear even on Saturdays and Sundays because of my appointments. That really sucks. I hate shirts especially. They make me feel all restricted and perspirey. I'm going to do without the shirts totally and be in work-appropriate dresses as much as possible. I for one, think I can manage it. It just takes some time to accumulate.

Thankfully I could be in casual yesterday when I met Victoria for lunch. You have no idea how much of a comfort that is to me. To hell with image. (Sometimes. Like on Saturdays at a ulu place like Cicada.) Was supposed to play tennis but skipped it. Need to get some exercise soon!

I forgot to form my Milk Milk FC team yesterday so I missed the first gameweek points for Premier League! Argh. Was constantly switching between channels yesterday to catch the althletics, tennis and football. Really busy! And I think Mighty Michael is amazing.

Now, let's see some ping pong power!

Jack's Housewarming Part I

2008-08-15T14:45:00.020+08:00

It's exactly mid-month, and I'm not even halfway to meeting my requirements for my first month. Granted, I have been put into the class with tall criteria to meet, but that does not comfort me at all if I were to fail to match up. I would hate to be withdrawn from the programme. Not every gets a shot at this, and it's a known fact that dropouts are cruelly common.

It's all pretty demoralising for someone just starting out. That is, if I want to keep harping on it. Have been busy yet unproductive, which is the worst type of busy to be, I reckon. I am a little slow when it comes to paperwork, hence the inefficiency. But I'm learning fast. I hope to pick up next week, be there to support me my lovelies! Thank you muchly!

Moving on, fots from Jack's housewarming (: The swimming pool there is deliciously sexy!

Our housewarming present for Jack! Dee bought an extra one for me to use when I want to swim at his place. Haha. Anyway I made Jack open his present and blow it up. Then I happily carried it to the pool to play with it. He became photographer for us... Lol!

Lydia has a gorgeous swimsuit, like the professional swimmer type! Nice!

The bubbly bath (:

I love my monokini! The thing about this monokini though, is that it cannot support or push up boobs, because of the criss cross design. Ahh well. I am totally sold on the idea of monokinis. Perhaps I will buy another one. Haha.

It's so hard to get onto the float when in the water! I had to be literally lifted and thrown into the air and flung toward the big green bauble (which I affectionately named Shrek). Haha. Love the float...

We had a piggyback race with Frank and Lydia... Which we won! Haha.

Lyd and I were a bundle of legs and arms on the float together haha!

Right after this shot, Frank did The Evil Thing...

And right after this shot, Dee did The Evil Thing too...

Excuse the very unglam open-mouthed scream.

Here's a demure one. HAHA.

Will post up the rest soon... Right now I have to get back to work. Chh.

Argh.

2008-08-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

Blogger won't let me upload my fots!

Here's the peace you wanted.

2008-08-13T23:03:00.006+08:00

This right here, is the sad part. The cold, hard part of the human heart.

When I ask only out of habit and give routine responses although the answer neither riles nor disappoints. When I don't notice things that mattered so much before. When what I've been waiting for has already been forgotten. When I struggle to retain what's quietly drifted long past. When I've stopped demanding because I've stopped wanting.

Steal some cover, share some skin. I hope I find some warmth within. But I am just too tired of fighting so hard for what I want and not getting it.

Ni hao (:

2008-08-11T16:30:00.002+08:00

I have decided on my year-end holiday destination. It's going to be Shanghai!

All in a day's work.

2008-08-08T10:45:00.003+08:00

Another entry about work, I am sorry for the absence of deviating topics. Work is pretty much all I do these days. Sigh.

Had a perfectly fun time at Jack's housewarming! The gang is planning a trip in September, I don't know if it would pan out nicely for me. I sure hope so. I do like these people muchly (:

Closed my first case flast week, this week is my second! Been really busy juggling between reading up and handling paperwork during my globs of office time, zooming to various corners of Singapore for appointments, picking up available slots at driving, in the midst of trying to have at least some level of a social life.

Contrary to flying by the seat of my pencil skirt, I now make arrangements as much as three months ahead. Every week is planned with specific activities and organised daily. My beloved Omnia serves me well, I am truly pleased with my new baby of a gadget.

I promise I will blog non-work the next entry, and add fots whilst I'm at it.

Can't seem to nail it...

2008-08-01T17:54:00.002+08:00

"Express, express..." I psyched myself before entering the parlour.

"Hello, you! We haven't seen you in ages!"
"Yeah I've been busy. I just started work," I reply.
"So what's it going to be today?"
"Mani and pedi. Express,"I say emphatically.

She picks out my usual colours and waits for my nod of approval. Then she cleans my hands. I think about my uncut cuticles, the absence of exfoliation and my untreated nails. I watch her file my nails in square. I bite my lip, is the express good enough?

"Faye, wait... Make it classic instead okayy?"

She laughs and pulls over the trolley to get the other stuff needed. I sigh wretchedly. Despite how cheap they are, I really hate express mani pedis. I feel it's slipshod, and not good or nice for the nails.

I used to have packages but I've stopped ever since I started tennis. But now that I've started work and clients are looking at me point at figures all the time, I feel I need to get back to my regular nail treatments. I should renew my package whilst they still allow me to...

Sigh. Haven't even gotten my first paycheck and I'm already spending. Let's just account for it as an investment of sorts.

Painkillers work marvellously.

2008-07-31T10:08:00.004+08:00

My body clock's adjusted to early mornings, so I'm up and about despite my extraction.

Working from home is comfortable, but everything's settled somewhat slower. I spent my morning making calls to clients- arranging appointments, answering queries, and asking for documents. Thankfully my office is just a few stops away from my home, so I would drop by later to check and collate everything I need for tomorrow's appointment.

For now, everything's scribbled into my notebook. But come Saturday, I would be the proud owner of the HTC Diamond. I wouldn't say that the Diamond is fantastic, but it should suffice. I've heard that it lags. Perhaps the Cruise would be a better choice, would have to see what is being sold at the roadshow.

My first paycheck will come in September. A big thank you to all you lovelies who know how poor I will be these months and have been generously buying me "start-work" presents (even the Diamond is a gift), treating me to good meals and entertainment during this transition period. Your love will not be forgotten!

Tomorrow!

2008-07-30T22:51:00.005+08:00

On the account of my wisdom tooth extraction, Dee brought me to Crystal Jade to have porridge. What he ordered was much nicer though, and I was a little morose. But he kept feeding me his beef slices and mushrooms, so my meal wasn't as bland as it should be. Haha. Dee bought a card to let me play Happy Lifter at the arcade! I didn't win anything. But we also played Bishi Bashi and I had so much fun! Haha.

I hope I am well enough to survive on painkillers and lug myself to office! As you know, insurance people like myself have no basic pay. Every day at work must count for something. No money, no eat! Although technically speaking, in my current condition I can't eat much anyway...

Thank you...

2008-07-30T22:44:00.002+08:00

Yesterday night I met an old friend for dinner. That would probably be my comfort for this week. When I tell him what I'm going through, he always seems to know what to say to make me feel better. He doesn't make annoying jokes, or violent actions, and I am altogether calmer when he is around. I am glad we are there to help each other. Sometimes, we all need a friend who knows you for you.

Pain!

2008-07-30T22:25:00.004+08:00

Today was supposed to be my third day at work. Most unfortunately my wisdom tooth acted up and I awoke this morning to a swollen right jaw. I scheduled for a dental appointment pronto, and cancelled my driving lesson later in the day so that I could sleep off the pain. What a bummer.

My new dentist however, is a very nice man who does his job well. I like talking to him, and I like his stylish office. For the first time in my life, I took an X-ray for my teeth. I put on a heavy cloak, bit onto a plastic stick and said cheese whilst important-looking panels moved, making very professional whirs as they rotated around my head. He then showed me the scans, gave me options and I picked option one.

I settled into the chair and prepared for a painful injection, but he had already numbed my mouth with something that smelled like bubblegum. A tiny prick, and then I was ready to extract my wisdom tooth! I could feel him wrenching it but felt no pain. I heard a Very Sickening Crackling, sort of like a miniature tree being uprooted, and soon he announced it was out.

My wisdom tooth is huge. He asked me if I wanted to keep it but I didn't want to. What would I do with it anyway? I waved happily and left with a cotton swab clenched between my teeth, thinking it was not so bad after all. But when the local anaesthesia wore off after my nap...

My week thus far.

2008-07-30T21:57:00.004+08:00

I stepped gingerly into the cafe, watching Barker boys snaking around me with their backpacks bouncing wildly from side to side as they chase each other. They order a huge plate of fries and proceed to swig generous amounts of salt onto the plate, and table. They start making boyish jokes about their friend who can "bend-a-dick". Benedict promptly responds by pelting them with air and water from his bottle.

I sight my client, who is busy applying sunscreen for her boy who is donning his swimsuit. "Ohh, he's part of the swim team!" A proud motherly nod and smile, followed by a confirming of my reason to be here in this school. My second client for the week, she's arranged to meet me to discuss her insurance policies whilst waiting for her son to finish his CCA.

On as many days as I can I try to schedule appointments, I enjoy being outside than in the office. It's not easy meeting these clients. They are all policyholders whose original agent had retired. Having no one to take care of their needs, most of them are disgruntled and underserviced. Never fear, Samm is here... Right. I do my best to help them, and my first two clients have not been in the least difficult. I should thank my lucky stars for a good start (:

The next few clients were a little tougher. But let's not focus on negativity!

The Hardest Thing by 98 Degrees (edited)

2008-07-30T21:49:00.002+08:00

We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby it's killing me, it's killing you
Both of us trying to be strong

I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
Perhaps you shouldn't love me
Forget me in your sleep

I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
You've been good to me
And you deserve better than that

Chorus
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry

I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing I'll ever had to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you

I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind

Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending
And you will never know cuz
There can be no happy ending

Chorus
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry

Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can't stay

Ooh...

I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
You've been good to me
And you deserve better than that

Chorus
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry

I don't want to live a lie
What can I do

People and more people.

2008-07-25T01:32:00.003+08:00

It's good to have self confidence, but when people think too highly of themselves it's quite a turnoff. Why should you think that other people are acting in deference to you? Seriously, chh. Moving on.

I've been attending training seminars for this entire week, hence the lack of updates. I'm tired, not so much physically but mentally. The tests after every section are exhausting. I have like, three or four within the same day. A single fail require you to come for an entire day's makeup lesson. The amount of information I am expected to retain and apply with immediate effect is vast. Nine to six is truly no joke.

But I've made it thus far. Tomorrow will be my last day of training!

TGIF.

Not amusing.

2008-07-20T19:42:00.003+08:00

What do you make of a person who gives you countless reasons not to attend something, even declaring that she would not go, only to end up going for the event herself after she's dissuaded you? I truly am miffed, especially when I specifically said to let me know if she changes her mind, in view of my initial inclination to go.

Old habits die hard...

2008-07-15T01:53:00.002+08:00

But I'll make them die somehow, for the sake of all things good in my life right now.

Sorry for the lack of updates...

2008-07-13T22:16:00.000+08:00

It has been turbulent times, but I think I am finally getting a short break from all the drama in my life. I would really appreciate some peace and quiet... I am truly so tired from dealing with inappropriate behaviours. (Note the painful letter at the back that marks plurality.) Multiple times of having to see so many people in action- improper action, that is. Simple logic; the more it happens, the more I can't trust.

But like I said, I am experiencing some relief right now, which I embrace quite eagerly. Today was a fine example. Dee and I had all day to just be together, without any clumsy circumstances clanging like cymbals next to my ear. We telly junked, he brought me out for chocolate when I told him I was craving, we shopped, we laughed and smacked and sang in the car. This is us, one of the simplest and best parts of my life.

They look like they're in Hogwarts robes.

2008-07-11T12:24:00.005+08:00

Yesterday's convocation was fun because over time I've gotten to know all of them, and I could feel their happiness in the occasion. Haha. All of us girls were waiting at the lobby together as our little boys topped in mortars receive their scrolls from the dean inside the auditorium.

The only other graduate I wanted to take a fot with was of course, Brandy, but he left pretty early. As for the others, well I just took fots with their girlfriends, lol. I was Dee's photographer, so wasn't in the pictures much but I didn't really mind of course. Not when I was looking so pro with his DSLR! Haha.

I am so proud of my little graduate boy!

Quick update.

2008-07-08T01:12:00.001+08:00

Hello there, lovelies.

Haven't had a whole lot of time to blog. You see, I'm keeping myself occupied with as many driving lessons as possible. Plus, I have lunch dates almost every weekday. And in the evenings if Dee says he has work-related plans, I'll zoom off to somewhere, either meeting old friends or making new ones.

Wednesday night, with Jeryl and Co at Wala Wala. They're a lively bunch to hang out with, and Ngak plays on Wednesdays (: Haha. Perfect! Cept that I forgot to take fots with Ngak when he came over to talk in between sets! Next time next time.

Lest you think badly of Jeryl, that's my hand not his. Haha.

Oddities...

2008-07-02T15:05:00.001+08:00

What peculiar weather, it's hot and sunny with rain. I guess even skies can get confused!

That's instant origami for you!

2008-07-01T22:46:00.003+08:00

The first time I visited this website I burst out laughing! Watch The Snowball first. Haha. It just made me laugh and laugh (: I hope you people find it funny too, otherwise it's gonna be proven once again that I have a warped sense of humour. I know. I laugh at the unfunniest things sometimes.

Whine.

2008-07-01T10:38:00.002+08:00

The doctor says I had violent small intestinal contractions, which explains why I was doubled over in pain after dinner and coffee yesterday. Whilst seated, I had managed to contain the pain, but once I started walking I could barely hold back my tears. Am to be as gentle to my tummy as possible, relying on liquids and light (healthy) snacking. No spices and milk.

Welcome to Wimbledon.

2008-07-01T10:20:00.004+08:00

No Sharapova, Ivanovic, Jankovic, Kusnetsova? Chh. Hello there, Zheng and Tamarine. Meet the Williamses, who are going to scare you off with their ferocity. Haha. Once again Djokovic is gone. I wish that would change. Win it then, Federer!

Hush, now.

2008-07-01T10:17:00.001+08:00

Now is one of the few times in my life that I am actually feeling very much out of my depth in things. I feel like a child pushed into the deep, adult end. I am oddly inadequate on some level, because the change is simply too large a bite to take from life's messy pie. The world is opening up to me; a bizarre feast for the eyes, a violent storm for the mind, and frenzied drumroll for the poor, poor heart.

I've been flailing in the water, and it's only now, with little energy left, that I notice how simply staying still keeps me afloat. Gradually, we all need to learn how to swim, but that only happens if we don't first drown in our own anxieties. Don't fight the current, we all have places where we are meant to be.

Quite amusing.

2008-06-30T10:38:00.002+08:00

Music made entirely from the sounds in Windows XP and 98! A little soft, you may have to turn up your volume a notch or two.

Vrooom!

2008-06-27T01:07:00.003+08:00

I had signed up for it just two days ago, which prompted my subnick "Mission accomplished!" Upon seeing it, Bowen asked me what the mission was... And here is the funny convo that took place.

Today was my first ever lesson, and I gotta say that it feels nice to be behind the wheel controlling a machine much bigger than yourself. The instructor said I did well, and I am excited for my next lesson! My engine stalled only a couple of times and I had no trouble steering. Plus, I learnt how to change tyres! Cool, I'd always wanted to learn that! Haha.

Aww.

2008-06-27T01:00:00.003+08:00

For the second tourny in a row, Sharapova lost! She lost straight sets to some (relatively) unknown girl, and lost on her own serve as well... Things bode poorly for her these days. Tsk tsk.

There is a saying...

2008-06-25T11:39:00.002+08:00

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the
smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the
teeth.
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

-Anonymous

My week past.

2008-06-23T18:10:00.001+08:00

Smileyface tennis ball! (:

Midweek game with Frank and the rest that day, I am glad to say I have adapted well to semi-western and no longer feel stress on my wrist when playing! I have tried to keep my fingernails long again because I miss them, but it's simply not appropriate for tennis. Even Sharapova keeps hers stubby. So I guess I will have to cut them :(

Friday night drinks with Yiwen and Sista at Boat Quay! Had the worst pina colada I've ever had there, whilst watching football and chatting. It was good to catch up with my ever-busy Sista however (: Sadly no fots with Dee...

Afterward we dropped by Casuarina prata for supper as we were sending Yiwen home. Dee bought these black bags with question marks on them, supposedly some highly popular childhood toy from those mamashops. The rest of us had no clue, never seen it before in our lives! But I was really excited about them mystery gifts. Haha.

On Saturday, Dee brought me for brunch at Aramsa, there is concept dining there. We went to Greenroom Cafe and I gotta say I love the ambience! Plus, the food is healthy. Albeit somewhat limited since it's a vegan cafe. Not to say that it isn't tasty!

Yum yum yummy, in my tum tum tummy (:

Once again, gotta emphasize how much I love the seating and decor of the place, with nature and acoustic pop in the background. They have both alfresco and air-conditioned sections, well spread-out couches with rattan screens for privacy.

And then, Saturday night was wild poker night! With the really fun PS peeps. Got to talk to Alene, who was from Crescent too! She is sweet as ever. And her boyfriend is good looking, I think they look very compatible (: The rest of them were being their usual selves, and I'm glad they always invite me to join them! We already have another one planned! Haha.

Hrms. Debatable.

2008-06-23T17:55:00.002+08:00

Manu's away kit for the coming season is at best... disagreeable. To me, at least.

Let this not be a 3 minute passion...

2008-06-23T13:17:00.002+08:00

Pretty excited at the prospect of working hard to support Dee at his stressful job, though I know it is probably novelty that is spinning its magic on me. I've never had to deal with transitional periods in my other relationships, they were simple and stable. But this transition phase has indeed taken a lot out of me, and it was incredibly difficult. In fact, I was incredibly difficult.

But I've thought about it and I think I don't want something I hold close to my heart to disintegrate in my palm just because I was too spoilt to try. So I'm biting the bullet and hoping to ride through this storm. And if unfortunately in the end, I can't do it... at least I'd have a confident reason for the end.

A big thank you to the many many mutual friends who think we will make it; reassuring me, comforting me and helping me understand, even though it is actually Dee that is in a more stressful position. It is wonderful to have you all rooting for us and believing that we are good together. I just hope I can really do this.

A promise I've never dared give you.

2008-06-21T01:59:00.003+08:00

I wrote a whole paragraph and deleted it because words seem empty and cheap. I won't let this be just talk, it will come with my course of action.

You've always been the one putting in the effort, and I've never had to try at all. This time, let me do this, I can. You must believe in me, so that you can be proud of me when I've done it for our sake (:

This is me, reciprocating. This, is my commitment to you.